Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Identity Crisis

Now that I've begun my 26th year.... I am doing a lot of evaluating lately.  It's almost as if I've reached that point where I'm thinking "It's now or never" for a lot of things in life.  If I want to do something, now is the time to decide.  Now is the time to start thinking about it and doing something about getting closer to that end goal.  It is time for me to... (Horror toon...DUN DUN DUN) GROW UP!

But there is a problem with feeling like it's that time.  The time to finally start living the rest of your life.  You have to accept that it is time to let go of somethings and grasp on to the idea and opportunity for others. We have a hard time letting go of those little pieces of ourself that didn't make the cut and start filling them with this "new you".  But are we ever really ready for that kind of thing? NO! It's human nature to not adapt to change well.  It's normal to go through an Identity Crisis and think to yourself "I'm totally crazy, who am I? I don't even know myself? Why was I ever even like this? Who do I want to be?"

Identity crises seem to be the norm for me lately.  It's this odd limbo in life, that I've noticed from my peers, a lot of people my age go through.  We were all students for so long and then had to learn to live the working life which gives us so much free time to actually think about more than "what homework do I have due this week? How am I ever going to find enough research for this paper? OMG did I buy a scantron and blue book for the exam I'm about to take in like .5 seconds?" (even though we may have all this in our hands or written on a calendar... we are still freaking out because the brain is too exhausted... ok, rant about college memories/horrors over).  But even as we fall into that nice routine of a 9-5 and free evenings and weekends, that free time to think almost stresses us out more.  So we make plans to see our friends, who happen to be going through the same issues, and we discuss them further.

So what happens, I'll tell you what happens, we get into this "student mode" and make a list of what we want to do or need to do in life.  And here is mine.

I want a job that makes me feel like I'm not working. One where I wake up each morning and feel excited to start my day. One where my job and my actions not only mean something to me but to a cause, to the people that I'm working for or with.
I love to travel. But I can't constantly be traveling. 
I love to write. But I didn't study literature or writing. Could I even do something with that passion?
I love this blog. But I don't see it at this point being something I can make money out of. And I don't know if I want to. Or where to even start if I were to decide to go through with it. 
I love planning and organizing things. But can I create a business out of it?
I love fashion and shopping. But I need a job to keep this up!
I want to be healthy and fit.  But I hate putting in all that effort (every woman's dream: chocolate cake that makes you actually lose weight... maybe I should try looking into inventing this)
I love to learn.  But am I ready to go back to school?
I want a family... when will I get to that with all these other lists I have going on.
I want to own a house/condo/some place to live in.  But I'm spending and saving for other things as well... so when will I ever move out!?

Honestly, this list can go on for so long.  But the truth is, I'm realizing, that I can do all these things.  I just need to work at it. And there is no right or wrong time to pursue any of it.  I just have to decide to begin the process. I honestly think that once you put things in motion, life just falls into place. Like a destiny of sorts, a plan for your life, you make a choice and the things you need from it fall into place.  I'm not saying that these choices don't come with obstacles.  I know that they do. But if  we want something bad enough, once we've decided on it, no obstacle is too big.

Life is a journey... and I've got to admit, I'm pretty excited to see where it leads me, the places I'll get to see, the people I'll get to meet.  Enjoy your journey, I'll be enjoying mine.


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